talk to strangers

“Don’t talk to strangers” was the theme for my generation growing up. It remains the theme today in most parenting advice columns. 

With pedophiles and murderers on every mother’s mind… it’s not surprising that we continue to insist on this rule.

“Don’t talk to strangers” when said to a child in the context of protecting them is a necessary blanket statement that we hope will keep them from getting into that strangers white van or accepting a piece of candy from the old man behind the playground.

Now, maybe this is just me, but I think somewhere deep in the file cabinet I call a brain, I still hear this warning when I’m around people I don’t know. This silent warning has blended with my “introversion” and “shyness” and kept me from lots of joy.

You might be wondering why I just brought up joy. If you think that joy is happiness, it shouldn’t have anything to do with maintaining that rule of “Don’t talk to strangers”. 

But joy isn’t happiness.

Joy is relational. 

Joy is the reaction in our brain when someone is glad to be with us.
^a

This can happen when we’re experiencing a happy situation, a sad one, a scary one.... any situation at all. 

But it only happens in the context of RELATIONSHIP. Joy is what we need. It helps our brain grow healthy connections. Joy reduces stress, improves our immune system, improves resiliency and transforms lives for the better.

For people like me, who “shy” away from meeting new people; that means joy is hard to come by unless I’m with my existing “people”.  

The problem is, I moved a lot. I moved so much growing up that in 12 years of school I went to 20 different schools. 

That meant that I was constantly meeting “strangers”. The file cabinet in my brain made it an extremely lengthy and difficult process to make friends. Whether I realized it or not, I was fearful of new people and new relationships. Even though that’s exactly what I longed for.

It’s not the ideal environment for joy when you’re afraid of everyone. Now don’t get me wrong… I was not CONSCIOUSLY aware that I was afraid of people. This was a fear I wasn’t in touch with. But that’s the really special thing about our brain… it does quite a few things automatically without us realizing it!

God designed our brains to come alive in the context of relationships with Himself, and with other people.

When I walk around avoiding eye contact, avoiding conversation, and embracing my “shyness”, my brain becomes starved for joy.  

But what if I wasn’t trained to be afraid of everyone? What if I saw people I met as opportunities for joy? What if I opened myself up to relationships and my brain was fed with those relationships?

Do you know what else your brain can do all by itself? It can read people. In the world of psychology it’s part of what they call “emotional intelligence”.

For our purposes, let’s just call it the “reading system”.^b The reading system helps our brain interpret what’s going on in others brains. However, if it isn’t working correctly, I might “misread” you.

Actually, let me be honest... SINCE mine isn’t working correctly, I’m controlled by fear because I can’t read you!

"Better to be safe than sorry" is my brain’s motto.

Another way to look at this, is that if I’m feeling fear (unbeknownst to me), and your reading system works well, it will recognize that I’m afraid and your interactions with me will be colored by that knowledge… even though you didn’t consciously form an opinion about me! ^c

Being “wired” in the brain with fear is really a major hindrance to anyone who is trying to build joy. 

That’s where an active relationship with Immanuel can help. Immanuel is able to help me recognize my
own fears, and when I am able to look at them with honesty and vision set in reality, I can then use the facts of what’s really going on around me to determine whether or not my “fear” is justified. 9 times out of 10, it’s not. And for those times when fear was a healthy reaction to the person in front of me, Jesus is able to help me feel safe again.

Now I can talk to strangers. I can see people as opportunities to smile and make friends; even if it’s just while I’m standing in line at Wal-Mart. I can build joy everywhere I go. It’s good for me, and it’s good for them. When I’m not living out of fear, joy has a chance to grow. 

Coming Soon:

Life & Recovery Coaching that will come along side YOU and teach you how to build an active relationship with Immanuel so you can move from a fear based life to a joy based life!

Sources:

a: “Joy Starts Here” by James Wilder, Edward Khouri, Chris Coursey, and Shelia Sutton www.joystartshere.com

b: "Brain-Based Parenting" by Daniel A. Hughes and Jonathan Baylin

c: “Reading a face is tricky business”  http://phys.org/news105118816.html#nRlv

Photos are mine

Jesus drawing found on google images

to the top

My friend and partner on this hike posted this picture and statement on Instagram…. And I couldn’t have said it better:

“Looking at this now, it's so hard to even see the trail, even when the blaze is showing the way. Life can be like that sometimes, can't it?” @jpothatsme

Before the final climb, we got lost. Well, not really lost, but definitely not on the right trail. While walking along, we totally missed one of the signs that told us which way to go. We kept going and going, oblivious to the fact that we were heading in the wrong direction.

Has that ever happened to you before?

Along the Tanawha Trail, this was not the first time in my life when I went the wrong way, and ended up making my journey longer than necessary.

Sometimes God puts signs up for us, and we walk right by them without even noticing them.

Sometimes we discover later on that we just worked really hard only to have to turn around and backtrack for awhile.

The same was true on this crazy hike of ours. What really blows my mind is that it wasn’t just the leader at the time that missed it…. All 3 of us missed it.

Be careful following others so closely that you forget to look around for your own signs along the way!

And, even more importantly, when you (or those you are with) make a mistake…. It’s not the end of the world.

Looking back at this moment of our journey, I am very aware of the fact that even though we were miserably uncomfortable at the time, we still responded tenderly to each other for our mistakes. There was no condemnation or blaming taking place, and no criticism either. So, we walked an extra .6 miles… at least we realized it before long… big deal. Staying true to who we really are meant we simply turned around and got back on track.

Reminds me of when the Lord shows me when I’m messing up something. My “repentance” doesn’t have to involve me feeling a truckload of shame or spiraling into a pit of despair. It’s more like “whoops…” and then go fix it. You know…. “go and sin no more”.

By the time we got back on track, we knew we were now behind schedule, and needing a “3^rd wind” so to speak. We also knew we were probably about a mile or so from meeting up with some others who were going to join us for the last segment of the hike. We began recognizing where we were and picking up our pace in anticipation of seeing their smiling faces. Just knowing that they were up ahead waiting for us gave us this rush of excitement that we needed to break on through this last piece of exhaustion.

When we reached Linn Cove Viaduct and heard my family members up there cheering us on, nothing could have been sweeter. Add to that the presence of a toilet and we were definitely smiling now!!!

This was mile 11.8.

The last leg of our journey was now here! All day we’d looked forward to this moment. We were energized by the presence of “fresh” hikers including my 17 year old daughter who effortlessly bounded ahead of us like an elf in the Lord of the Rings through Fanghorn forest. At one point I jokingly said something to her about deserving an award for most energetic hiker or something like that.

She stopped dead in her tracks, turned to look me in the eye and said “No, YOU deserve an award for hiking this WHOLE DAY”

BAM! There it was! The truth I had not yet looked at yet along my hike. MY VALUE! MY hard work, and effort, was worth something. I had reason to be proud of myself.

It took me looking at my daughter and feeling proud, and then her reflecting it back to me, for me to really get it.

The happiness and joy I felt in this moment burst through my exhaustion just like the sun bursting through the clouds.   And wouldn’t you know it… that’s exactly what happened next. The clouds began to part and the sun in the west began to shine on our path to the finish line up ahead.

The last mile was a blur really, I was fully aware that I was going to make it. There was no more doubt, no more uncertainty… only belief that continuing to put one foot in front of the other would lead me to my destination without failure.

My daughter, the elf, who was running ahead and then coming back to meet up with us, came back and said, it’s just up ahead around the corner!! You’re almost there!

Michelle turned back to me and said “Are you ready”…. And I was overwhelmed with a tidal wave of emotion that took my breath away. My eyes flooded with tears… the tears I’d heard other people talk about that came at the end of a race, the tears I had thought just 10 minutes prior would not likely be necessary…. Rushed into my eyes and clouded my vision with such ferocity I didn’t know how to stop them.

I hugged Michelle and choked on my emotions that had no words. Still now, I can’t put to words what I was feeling at that moment. Pride, relief, joy, excitement, love, passion, gratitude, and all the pain I’d carried along with me for the past 11 hours… or maybe it was the pain I’d carried with me for the past 41 years.

All of it came to the surface in that moment.

Then, we realized that somehow we had gotten here too early! My husband and other friends/family were not going to arrive for another 30 minutes or so! We couldn’t cross our finish line without them!!

So, we rested. We stopped .3 miles from the end and rested.

Never in a million years would I have pictured my ending to my Finish Line Hike like this! But God is good. And he loves to give good gifts. We stood there in the woods and soaked in His presence while we waited to take those last steps.

Fully washed in His love…. embracing the moment with all of our senses fully aware. We received His song…

“You’re more real than the wind in my lungs
You’re more real than the ground I’m standing on

You’re thoughts define me, you’re inside me
You’re my reality

Abba, I belong to you

You’re closer than the skin on my bones
You’re closer than the song on my tongue”

We knew even then, how purposeful it was that we were being asked to rest right before the crossing of the finish line.

In resting, we are more aware of God’s presence.

In resting, we can connect with Him even as we are striving towards a goal.

In resting, we are grounded to the reality of who we are in Him.

Resting restored our focus.

Resting gave us time to breathe in the moment and prevented us from rushing ahead and missing out on that tender moment in His arms. That tender moment of love between Father and Beloved even before we completed our task meant even more than if He had just offered it at the end.

This time of rest didn’t require me to finish… it was a freely given gift.

This time of rest had grace written all over it.

“So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God's rest has also rested from his works as God did from his.” Hebrews 4:9-10

After the time of rest, we walked arm and arm up to the finish line where we could celebrate. We didn’t need to rush forward and collapse in exhaustion because of the sweet rest we had just tasted. With eyes bright and spirits high, we crossed into that finish line together.

Valued, Worthy, and full of hope. 

through the ups and downs

In a normal half marathon setting, as you move along you are encouraged by supporters that cheer you on and offer you water. My 14 mile hike on the Tanawha Trail was not quite the same experience, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have supporters along the way. 

I can’t write about this journey without mentioning how awesome my husband was during it all! We started off arriving at our “lunch” point quite a bit early and he rushed up the path all alone with a cooler, bread, peanut butter and jelly, snacks and a gallon jug of water to refill our camelbaks while we sat by the Boone Fork River with our feet in the water taking a break.

Originally I had posted about this hike asking supporters to come and meet us at spots along the way to give it the “race” feeling, but up until Mile 11.5… my husband was the one who was there. He gave his entire day to drive up and down the parkway getting us supplies and meeting us for water refills and offering encouraging smiles.  His support is appreciated GREATLY!

After our 2^nd meetup with him, we were entering the “Rough Ridge” zone of the hike. Believe me, I never fully realized the meaning of Rough Ridge up until this point. Sure, I’ve hiked this beautiful section before as a small mile out and back hike, but on this journey, the Rough Ridge became our “wall”. 

 Every runner or marathoner will tell you that at some point, they hit a wall when their body tells them that they can go no further. It’s actually a real thing, caused by the depletion of glycogen stores in the body that can leave you feeling fatigued and without energy.

Rough Ridge was the 9 ½ mile point for us. It was a steep boulder hopping climb to an elevation of 4773 that afforded breathtaking 360 degree views of the Blue Ridge Mountains. Getting to the top of it was exhilarating!

When we arrived at the first outlook, the winds were blowing so strong I felt like I was standing on the front of the Titanic with Leonardo DiCaprio holding my arms out shouting “I’m on top of the world!!”

But the most incredible thing was the green. Everywhere we looked the color green was climbing up the mountains. Just the week before, it was still mostly brown, but on this Mothers’ Day weekend, spring was racing up the mountain right with us.

It was honestly breathtaking. I’m used to the “Blue” view… but this kaleidoscope of green felt dreamlike. Every different type of tree had a slightly different shade of baby green. The fact that we didn’t have blue skies didn’t even matter.

From up here… only the views mattered. Our tired legs didn’t even seem to care about the depleting glycogen stores.

We explored the cliffs and played around taking pictures for a while. Momentarily we felt like our journey was over.

 

 Until we noticed that bridge over there in the pictures. That bridge is our destination, or rather, the mountain top BEYOND that bridge is our destination.

From up here, I think the realization that we still had a long way to go was starting to sink in. 

 I’ve felt that way in life before too. I’m very aware of the fact that I’m FAR from perfect. I’m FAR from who I was created to be, and who I want to be. Sometimes, when I get a glimpse of just how far off I am … it can be a little overwhelming. Sometimes, it even seems pointless. And that can leave me not wanting to even try anymore.

I remember clearly sitting atop the highest peak on Rough Ridge thinking those same thoughts. Thinking, this is good enough. This is far enough. Let’s just settle here. I even felt peace in that moment and I knew that Jesus was going to love me even if this was as far as I got.

Then I stood up, stretched, and said, “let’s do this!” and started down the steep descent of this current mountain crest with my friends by my side. We didn’t talk much at this point. I think we were all sorta lost in our own thoughts… and we continued down…. and around, and down some more, and through the boulder field… each of us beginning to become aware of just how exhausted we were.

Have you ever experienced something exhilarating and amazing only to be followed by a low point… a crash?

This is what we were going through for miles 10-11. The low. The down. The “what goes up, must go down” moment.

Just when I was about to stop and give up, I thought to ask Jesus where He was at that exact moment. I was in the “lead” at that time, and noticed my 2 friends were slowing down behind me and I was starting to feel like they didn’t want to be with me anymore. (I mean, this was “my thing” and they were just along for the journey right... they were probably feeling pretty sorry they had agreed to this by now!) 

When I feel alone like that, I’m learning to find Jesus with me in the moment. Since He is Immanuel, God With Us… why not ask Him to let me see where He is??!!

So, in my head, I asked Him, “Where are you now Jesus?”. And I got a glimpse of Him, just ahead of me on the path, turned backwards kinda jogging backwards… full of life and energy… with a glint of excitement and love in His eyes. 

He was waving me forward saying “Come on!” I felt a huge surge of energy burst through my veins and my pace picked up. I felt like I was skipping along the trail, hopping over rocks effortlessly, chasing after my leader who was so full of life it was irresistible! I turned around and saw that my friends had fallen back behind me quite a bit so I shouted back to them to encourage them as well. 

I reminded them that we were not alone on this journey and kept pressing on...

 "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Is 40:31

to be continued....

the point...points forward.

Sometimes when I sit down to write, I honestly have no idea where to begin.

There is so much running through my head, and it’s all so complicated I imagine that any stranger reading it would have no clue what they were reading.  But if I truly started at the beginning, those of you that actually know me might get bored and not get to the POINT that I’ve come to realize as of THIS MORNING!

So, I’m gonna start with “THE POINT” and then work from the beginning, forward.

“So let’s keep focused on the goal, those of us who want everything God has for us”

~Philippians 3:15 The Message Translation

Some years ago, I lost sight of my goal. I gave up on some of the things God has for me. Well, actually it was really just one thing. One major thing.

6 1/2 years ago I had a goal. I believed that God wanted me to succeed in that goal and I joined together with a group of other people who also had that same goal. I mostly reached that goal, for a moment. But in the midst of that process I was deeply hurt and I got stuck in shame for a long time because of it. The result: my goal was fleeting and I stop believing that it was mine to hold onto.

Somewhere along the way, I started believing that if my goal was something God wanted for me, that He would just “give it to me” and I wouldn’t run the risk of taking any of the glory for myself.  Eventually I started believing that God didn’t want that goal to be mine. (Since He didn’t just “give it to me”)

But the truth is, that goal is mine. That goal is part of His plan for me. As I have lived pretending that it’s not important to me anymore, I have become stubborn and rigid. My refusal to even glance at that goal anymore meant I needed to build a really big brick wall…. A very thick brick wall that pushed me further and further backwards away from the goal!

Part of me even started to blame God for how far away I’ve gotten from my goal. I would be lying if I denied ever thinking “if He had just “given it to me” then I could have held onto it”. I’d be lying if I denied ever thinking “this brick wall was built by HIM to make sure I don’t ever reach that goal”. And thoughts like that probably gave birth to thoughts like “He is a mean God, because He wants to take that goal away from me”.

Each thought like that, added a brick to my wall. And led me backwards another step.

But then I read,

“…He rescued me because He delighted in me” 2 Samuel 22:20

And I knew…. Really knew in my soul, that those words were true for me too. I felt His delight in me. And then I also read,

“You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall” 2 Samuel 22:29-30

And I became aware of 2 things. 1^st- the Lord is involved. 2^nd- David DOES something… he advances and is able to do the impossible.

I kept reading.

“It is God who arms me with strength….. He enables me to stand on the heights…. He trains my hands for battle, my arms can bend a bow of bronze…You armed me with strength for battle…. And I destroyed my foes.” (Excerpts from 2 Samuel 22)

While I’ve been sitting behind my brick wall, believing that God didn’t want me to reach my goal because he wasn’t behaving like a genie would have… I failed to utilize the strength He had given me. I failed to “train for battle” and I completely dismissed all thoughts of “destroying my foes” myself.

For the past 6 years, I have been creating and trusting in lies and moving backward. Apparently I’m not unlike the Israelites as written about in Jeremiah.

“But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless” Jer. 7:8

“they went backward, not forward” Jer. 7:24

“they cling to deceit” Jer. 8:5

That last verse sent me to explore the Message translation in context, where I really woke up this morning.

“So why does this people go backward, and just keep on going backward? They stubbornly hold onto their illusions, refuse to change direction. I listened carefully, but heard not so much as a whisper. No one expressed one word of regret. Not a single “I’m sorry” did I hear. They just kept at it, blindly and stupidly banging their heads against a brick wall”. Jer 8:5-6

With that, the truth was revealed to me. The Lord’s light came bursting through my brick wall with His Word. I repented wholeheartedly… for all of those things.

And now I come to the point again. Today I have opened my eyes to take hold of the vision of my goal. The goal that my God has set before me, because He delights in me and wants what’s best for me.

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” Philippians 3:13

So, does anyone want to join with me in looking forward and moving forward?! (Request to join my group on Facebook!)

(PS- at the end of my journey with the Lord and His Word this morning, He prompted me to put on a new CD I had just downloaded for free yesterday... this is the song that came on 1st.... and I'm certain it was a clear message to me from my Savior!