Sometimes when I sit down to write, I honestly have no idea
where to begin.
There is so much running through my head, and it’s all so
complicated I imagine that any stranger reading it would have no clue what they
were reading. But if I truly started at the
beginning, those of you that actually know me might get bored and not get to
the POINT that I’ve come to realize as of THIS MORNING!
So, I’m gonna start with “THE POINT” and then work from the
beginning, forward.
“So let’s keep
focused on the goal, those of us who want everything God has for us”
~Philippians 3:15 The
Message Translation
Some years ago, I lost sight of my goal. I gave up on some
of the things God has for me. Well, actually it was really just one thing. One
major thing.
6 1/2 years ago I had a goal. I believed that God wanted me
to succeed in that goal and I joined together with a group of other people who
also had that same goal. I mostly reached that goal, for a moment. But in the
midst of that process I was deeply hurt and I got stuck in shame for a long
time because of it. The result: my goal was fleeting and I stop believing that
it was mine to hold onto.
Somewhere along the way, I started believing that if my goal
was something God wanted for me, that He would just “give it to me” and I
wouldn’t run the risk of taking any of the glory for myself. Eventually I started believing that God didn’t
want that goal to be mine. (Since He didn’t just “give it to me”)
But the truth is, that goal is mine. That goal is part of
His plan for me. As I have lived pretending that it’s not important to me
anymore, I have become stubborn and rigid. My refusal to even glance at that
goal anymore meant I needed to build a really big brick wall…. A very thick
brick wall that pushed me further and further backwards away from the goal!
Part of me even started to blame God for how far away I’ve
gotten from my goal. I would be lying if I denied ever thinking “if He had just
“
given it to me” then I could have
held onto it”. I’d be lying if I denied ever thinking “this brick wall was
built by HIM to make sure I don’t ever reach that goal”. And thoughts like that
probably gave birth to thoughts like “He is a mean God, because He wants to
take that goal away from me”.
Each thought like that, added a brick to my wall. And led me
backwards another step.
But then I read,
“…He rescued me
because He delighted in me” 2 Samuel 22:20
And I knew…. Really knew in my soul, that those words were
true for me too. I felt His delight in me. And then I also read,
“You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into
light. With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a
wall” 2 Samuel 22:29-30
And I became aware of 2 things. 1st- the Lord is
involved. 2nd- David DOES something… he advances and is able to do
the impossible.
I kept reading.
“It is God who arms me with strength….. He enables me to stand on the heights…. He trains
my hands for battle, my arms can
bend a bow of bronze…You armed me with strength for battle…. And I destroyed my foes.” (Excerpts from 2
Samuel 22)
While I’ve been sitting behind my brick wall, believing that
God didn’t want me to reach my goal because he wasn’t behaving like a genie
would have… I failed to utilize the strength He had given me. I failed to “train
for battle” and I completely dismissed all thoughts of “destroying my foes”
myself.
For the past 6 years, I have been creating and trusting in
lies and moving backward. Apparently I’m not unlike the Israelites as written
about in Jeremiah.
“But look, you are
trusting in deceptive words that are worthless” Jer. 7:8
“they went backward,
not forward” Jer. 7:24
“they cling to deceit”
Jer. 8:5
That last verse sent me to explore the Message translation
in context, where I really woke up this morning.
“So why does this
people go backward, and just keep on going backward? They stubbornly hold onto
their illusions, refuse to change direction. I listened carefully, but heard
not so much as a whisper. No one expressed one word of regret. Not a single “I’m
sorry” did I hear. They just kept at it, blindly and stupidly banging their
heads against a brick wall”. Jer 8:5-6
With that, the truth was revealed to me. The Lord’s light
came bursting through my brick wall with His Word. I repented wholeheartedly…
for all of those things.
And now I come to the point again. Today I have opened my
eyes to take hold of the vision of my goal. The goal that my God has set before
me, because He delights in me and wants what’s best for me.
“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is
ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me
heavenward in Christ Jesus” Philippians 3:13
(PS- at the end of my journey with the Lord and His Word this morning, He prompted me to put on a new CD I had just
downloaded for free yesterday... this is the song that came on 1st.... and I'm certain it was a clear message to me from my Savior!
