buckets

Bad things happen. They happen to everyone. 

Some people seem to crumble under the weight of “bad things” in their lives while others manage to let things go quickly and easily and don’t appear to be affected by the very same “bad things”.

If you’re in the 2^nd category, you probably don’t even know why you are this way.

If you’re in the 1^st category, you wish you knew their secret.

As a category 2 person myself, I think I’ve figured it out and I want everyone to learn this secret! I don’t want it to be a secret, I want it to be a freely given gift to everyone I meet!

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ve probably heard me talk about joy. But did you know that there is something that goes hand in hand with joy? It’s called capacity. 

My techy friends probably picture the hard drive of their computers and think they know what capacity is.

My electrician friends probably see the wiring of a house and think they know what capacity is.

Anyone who’s ever heard my Dad Ed Khouri teach probably sees the mountain climbing graphic he made to describe capacity, joy and trauma.

But I think I’ve got a different picture that might help it really click for everyone.

Capacity is like a bucket. 

Some people have a big bucket, others have a small bucket, and even others might just have a tiny lid.

When your bucket gets full and spills over- things get messy! 

Sometimes this results in you losing your temper, sometimes it looks like a mental breakdown, sometimes it results in a night of sobbing uncontrollably… and most of the time it leads us to crave stuff that will hurt us in the long run. (Alcohol, drugs, junk food, unhealthy relationships, etc).

Picture your bucket… whatever size your bucket is, that is a representation of how many “bad things” you can handle without spilling over. Bad things might be actual traumatic events in your life… things like abuse, abandonment, death of a loved one, divorce, fire, storms, war etc. 

(the world of psychology calls these things Trauma B)

But bad things can also be things like traffic jams, fights with your spouse, deadlines piling up, screaming kids, lack of nutrition, etc. 

(these are called Trauma A- the absence of good and necessary things. Did you realize that normal everyday stressors are the absence of peace that you need to function properly?!!)

But did you know that you that you actually have 2 buckets?

JOY is also like a bucket.

The 2^nd bucket is your JOY bucket and it holds all the good things for you.

Good things like those times when someone was glad to be with you! Good times like walks in the park, watching sunsets, catching fireflies, laying on the beach listening to the waves, petting your dog, laughing together with friends.

The really interesting thing is our buckets always match in size. 

 We actually WANT our joy bucket to overflow!

Why?

Because when the joy bucket gets full, it automatically trades up for a bigger size. This means, your capacity bucket gets bigger too! 

The bad news is, without much joy in our lives, our joy bucket shrinks, and so does our capacity bucket.

Having a bigger joy bucket and a bigger capacity bucket means we can handle all the stuff life throws at us. Our capacity bucket can handle just about anything that comes our way. 

photo borrowed from

Opensocietyfoundations.org

Some of you might be thinking, “But I don’t want a big capacity bucket because that might mean more bad things will happen.”

But that’s not true.

You see, having a big capacity bucket doesn’t mean we will necessarily fill that bucket with bad things. It just means when a bad thing comes along, there’s room for it to rest at the bottom. 

(We don’t really carry them around like the boy in the picture above, so they don’t need to be balanced.)

Remember, it’s the JOY BUCKET that decides how big of a bucket we need. 

So keep filling that joy bucket! Trade up for a bigger set of buckets!  Make filling your joy bucket a priority!

Here’s a few things you can do to get started:

• Smile at someone; ask them how they are doing. Be more like “Elf”! “I’m Buddy the Elf, what’s your name? What’s your favorite color?!”
• Go for a walk at sunset with someone. (a loved one, a neighbor, a sibling anyone!)
• Fly a kite!
• Start an Appreciation Journal (have you heard about the power of gratitude lately?!)
• Make a CD of your favorite songs and give it to someone!
• Put down your cell phone and look into the eyes of the person across from you!
• Sing really loud to a favorite song with someone in the car with the windows down
• Laugh! Out loud! Just start laughing… it becomes contagious! You don’t even need a reason sometimes. 
• Whenever you’re with a loved one, pause and remember that the most important thing is to be glad to be together. Whether you’re working, cleaning, watching TV, playing cards or eating a meal… make being glad to be together the priority!

Here's to filling our joy buckets!!!

strength, or weakness?

To begin this post I am searching my memory for a time that I can remember only focusing on simply one task. It's difficult to do. I sorta pride myself on being a good multi-tasker. Both in my work and in my "play" I am usually doing more than one thing at a time.

If I'm doing housework- I'm not just cleaning; I'm also listening to music, probably singing and going down memory lane at the same time as I come across items that need to be put away.

If I'm working at my desk- I'm not just doing one task at a time; I'm on the phone and checking my email. I'm posting on Facebook (yeah, that's part of my job) and running a webinar, I'm filing and running reports- simultaneously.

If I'm watching TV- I'm not just watching TV; I'm also on my phone, checking emails, or playing mindless games like Candy Crush or Angry Birds or Bejeweled.

If I'm reading a book- I'm not just reading; I'm looking for impactful, favorite sections of the book to highlight and talk (or blog) about later!

If I'm having my "quiet time"- I'm not just being with the Lord; I'm also journaling, worshiping along with whatever music I've chosen for that morning, and holding back the tidal wave of other "to do" lists in my mind. I might also be stopping the dog from chewing the cat, or stopping the cat from scratching the dog!

Even when I'm hiking and enjoying nature- I'm not just enjoying nature; I'm also taking pictures!

Lots of people tell me that it's a gift, and a talent, to be able to multitask the way I do. It's such an effecient use of my time... a time saver, one could say. I get more work done in less time than most people do.

Or do I?

This "strength" of mine helped me take care of my kids while still getting the laundry done, the bills paid and the house cleaned. It helps me organize and run events for work. As a photographer it was crucial, to pay attention to my clients expressions, the angle of the light, the wind and noticing any distracting details that might show up in the photo. At my old job- it was an absolute necessity.... we called it "Daniel Dancing"... and I was a pro at it. I was teaching, planning, monitoring anxiety and attention levels of my students, defusing extreme behaviors before they got out of control, shuffling students between the classroom, therapy sessions, music lessons, computer room, etc. Without multi-tasking I would not have survived. I NEEDED my brain to be able to "take it all in" at all times.


But, what am I giving up when I pursue this constant "busyness"? What am I missing out on by being so driven to do more than one thing at a time? Am I getting more "done" in a minute or losing a minute of joy?

I'm now reading a book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and I'm starting to recognize that this "strength" of mine might actually be a weakness. It's got me thinking- in a much slower way than usual.

What if time really could stand still like the way I can capture it in an image. I am keenly aware of the sound of the ticking on this particular clock when I wake up before everyone else and sit in my chair by the window with my coffee, journal and Bible. But in this picture, it is still and quiet.

Frozen.

And I love to look at it. Perhaps that's what I like about photography so much. Photography stops time for a moment and allows me to take it all in. I can see the second hand stopped permanently hanging in the balance between the 25th and 30th second of that exact minute. I see the glare of the light pouring through my window, bouncing off the reflective edges of the metal frame. The rest of the image is bathed in that light- bright white, soothing light. It's the light that truly makes the picture. It's the light that makes me feel warm and at peace when I look at this picture.


Maybe when I'm multi-tasking- I'm missing out appreciating the beauty of the moment.

The here and now.

Ann Voskamp writes, "Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. And this, this is the only way to slow time: When I fully enter time's swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here. I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment. And when I'm always looking for the next glimpse of glory, I slow and enter. And time slows. Weigh down this moment in time with attention full, and the whole of time's river slows, slows, slows."

Her words scream at my busy mind "SLOW DOWN!"
and they whisper,
"appreciate, savor, eucharisteo{a}~ this is where God is".

And I'm inspired to do just one thing: 

Be Here.

"Wherever you are, be all there" ~Ann Voskamp

And so I begin, the search for my 1000 gifts- one moment at a time.

1. the sunlight as it falls across my garden in the morning.

{a}  Eucharisteo is something that Ann Voskamp is talking about A LOT in the book One Thousand Gifts. It means literally: "thanksgiving, to give thanks". The actual Greek word is made up of the words "grace and joy". It's a word I'm SAVORING as I learn about it!